Normally, I don’t really do this kind of stuff, but …

Holy crap, that was a tight game. First a beautiful goal by van Bronckhorst. Then the equalizer by Forlán just before the break. Then a hideous goal by not-Sneijder, but he gets the point anyway, quickly followed by Robben’s header. And then in overtime they still almost manage to blow it when Pereira makes it 2–3 and then drama in the rest of the overtime! OMFGWTFBBQ!!111!!ELEVENTYONE!!!

Netherlands – Germany finals incoming!

Linky:

http://store.steampowered.com/freeportal/

Yes!
YES!!
OH GOD, YES!!!

I mean … uhm …
…

While browsing throught the E3 reports, I was moderately pleased to see
the Aliens versus Predator series (of games, not movies) is
getting another sequel.

I’ve always had a soft spot for xenomorphs.
This extends to the Aliens versus Predator games
that have been released on the PC. The first AVP came out in 1999
and I think this was one of the first PC games I ever bought. While
not really as popular or as rich in storyline as, say,
HalfLife, I still think it has many redeeming qualities even today.
For example …

You can play as Human, Alien, or Predator, each with very different
styles of play. This was pretty unique back then for FPSs. Actually, I
think it still is. The Alien in particular was unusual: very
quick, able to walk on walls and ceilings and a strange fish-eye lens
point of view. It also had no ranged attack, which meant you had to get
up close and personal to attack. Moreover, the alien did not have much
in the way of hitpoints, which effectively meant that you had to not
only get close, but get close undetected. You had to hide in dark
corners and on ceilings waiting for people to walk by and then bite their
heads off.

Most games will put you as the Hero Marine against bug-like critters
to be slaughtered en-masse. This game gives you the opportunity to see
what it looks like from the other side, which is definitely an educational experience. One thing that comes very clear,
for example, is why fire and flamethrowers are not your friend.
Bullets could often be avoided (except from
turrets), but flamethrowers put up an entire wall of fire and one
hit would keep burning for quite some time which, for creatures with
few hitpoints, would fit nicely into the bad things category.

Playing against the aliens was also a different-than-usual experience.
Able to hide anywhere (how many FPSs require you to check the ceilings?),
nearly invisible against the background, fast and very, very deadly.

And … oh yeah! They bleed acid. Yeah.

They also had a very peculiar
reaction to being shot: exploding and scattering themselves over a wide
area. All while bleeding acid. If you remember your physics classes,
you should be aware of this thing called inertia: things in motion will
continue in the same direction. You know which direction the Aliens will
usually be moving towards when you shoot them? You. You know in which
direction all the parts and blood will be moving? You!

In other words: even when you kill them, there’s a good chance they’ll
kill you right back.

The game’s also quite hard. I’d almost say
Nintendo
Hard. AVP 1 had no in-level saving. I don’t think there’s ever
been a PC FPS that didn’t allow you to save at will. Combined with the
fact that the characters were realistically weak (a rocket jump,
would only get parts of you to far-off distances or heights; on
average you remain in the same spot), the lack of saving increased the tension
considerably.

Of course a sizable group of gamers, cowardly pussies that they are,
complained and eventually a save feature was added later. Shame, really;
the levels are short enough for it to work, and it’s actually way more
fun to play when you’re running for dear life.

And then there’s the motion tracker. If you’ve seen the movie Aliens,
you’ll know what I’m talking about. Basically, it’s a device that
measures how deep the shit you’re in is. If it emits a low
bup, you’re safe; if it starts giving off a high-pitched
beep (or worse, multiple beeps), you’re in trouble.

This truly is the stuff of nightmares. There’s actually something worse
than darkness: darkness and having a reminder that you’re probably going to
die in the next few steps if you’re not careful. This feeling was enhanced
by the night vision goggles which turn off the tracker. So now you only
know where something was, roughly, and you have to find it again.
The motion tracker is without a doubt the single most evil and mind-screwing
feature ever put in a game. For those who want to argue in favor of, say,
Resident Evil or Silent Hill or other horror games: No! You’re wrong!
It really is that simple.

On second thought, there is something worse. It’s called a
facehugger. The spiderlike critters from the Alien series that jump you
from out of nowhere and basically rape your face. The game has those too.
To show just how bad these are, here’s a little anecdote about my first
encounter with one.

Why facehuggers are evil

It’s the third Marine mission: Invasion. You have to get to the top of
the tower for a rescue. Up to this point I had done what I’d always
done in an FPS: make slow but steady progress to avoid any nasty surprises.
From this level onward that strategy doesn’t work anymore. At all.

The reason for that is that now the aliens start to respawn at
semi-random locations. So not only am I a puny hooman faced with
very quick aliens that can come from out of nowhere trying to take
my head off, now there’s an endless supply of them too and only one
of me. Oh and did I mention there’s no save? Not that it’d matter
because they’d spawn at a different location anyway, but still.

In any case, at some point you’d clue in to the fact that the only
way this is gonna work is to just make a blind run for it and
hope pray curse for the best. Amazingly, this worked
out pretty well. That is, until I took an elevator down to face this:

An open Alien egg. And I could hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet down the
corridor to the right, which also lit up on the tracker. When turning
round the corner, the sound became louder. But still, I could not
actually see the little bastard yet. “Well. Shit.” is
something of an understatement at this point.

But then I hear something above me as well: an Alien was
climbing down to the room in the image. “Well. Shit.” has
now become completely inappropriate and I headed back to the elevator
room to kill it. I basically sprayed the whole room with fire, hoping
I’d catch it at some point. And I did. I continued to dance around to
avoid it until it burst. And then all was quite again. I didn’t even
hear the face hugger moving around anymore in the distance. Thinking all
was safe, I turned round to hunt down the face hugger again an…

SSSSSSSSSSKKKKKKKKKKKKKKRRRRREEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR
RRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWITHTHEHURTING
ANDTHEPAINANDTHEDYINGOHBLOODYFUCKINGHELL
WHATWASTHAT?!?!?!!!ELEVENTYONE!!?!!

Turns out the reason I didn’t hear the facehugger anymore wasn’t
that I’d killed it or that it had moved too far away, but because it
was already in mid-jump. Not only did it get me, it got me completely
by surprise and the blood-curdling scream it emitted
actually made me fall off my chair. Literally. It scared me so much that I
actually leaped out of my chair. It took about a minute before I
could even hold the mouse again because my hands were shaking so much. No
game has ever had that strong of an effect before or since. This was
just awful. And yet awesome at the same time.

Facehuggers are just plain evil. Just hearing one moving in the area
is enough to give me hives.

The only really bad thing about the game is that it
won’t play on current computers – some graphics and sound glitches
that made crashed the game or made it unplayable. However, this has
actually been remedied recently. People have been tinkering with the
source code and fixed the most important issues. See

forumplanet.gamespy.com/tech_support/b49029/1049364 for details
and links to patches.

Compared to AVP 1, its sequel was, well, ultimately something of a
let-down. It’s still good playing, but I felt that it could have been
so much more. Sure, it had better graphics. Well, more detailed models
and textures anyway; unfortunately, the textures also looked really
coarse and flat, and decals would often seem to be placed over
the polygons, rather than on it, which just looked awful. AVP 1 had
destructable light sources – something the Alien could make use of
very well – but AVP 2 didn’t. It also did not have adjustable gamma
settings, which really hurt because often I literally could
not see anything. And they took out the cheat modes and skirmish
*sigh*.

The Aliens had also changed in some very bad ways. In the original,
they were fast and furious, but in AVP 2 it often seemed thay they were
just hobbling along on their way too skinny legs. Instead of looking
like the vicious and fast killing machines, they came off more as clumsy
puppies. Okay, yes, puppies with really sharp claws and teeth,
but not the terrors they’re supposed to be.

They also didn’t explode into parts with that delightful crackling
sound anymore, or bleed over everything (mostly you). Mostly they just
flopped down. Also, there seemed to be only one or two death poses and I
think only a single animation timer for all critters. Often you’d find
yourself in a field of dead aliens which lay down in exactly the same way.
I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but little things like this can
spoil the mood completely. Worst of all though was what they did with the
facehuggers: they took away the scream when they kill you. This completely
removed the scare factor :(

Having said that, it also did some things very right. There was one
interconnected story line, with the threads of the three playmodes
intersecting at several instances. Very nicely done. Also, as the
Alien you actually played through the facehugger and chestburster
stages. This was also fun.

And now there’s gonna be a third installment. Like in AVP 2, there
will be an interwoven story, so that’s good. From the pictures I’ve
seen, the graphics are going to be awesome. Textures are crips, motion
looks fluid – it just looks right again.
It also looks like it’s not going to be for the faint of heart, with
lovely gratuitous displays of blood and guts and trophy-taking and
everything (see here
for video).

I was somewhat surprised to see Sega as the publisher for the
game. It seemed a little odd at first, but if you take into account that
they’re a bunch of
fucking
sadists, I think it is actually
quite fitting.

So yeah, I’m looking forward to this one.

Every month there’s one in a different location; and this weekend it was Utrecht. I wasn’t planning on going at first because I know I can’t keep my hands of the things and I still have a considerable backlog from the last few times I went, but I had to go in that direction anyway, so I figured why not. And, as always, I went in with the idea that I didn’t really need anything anymore, but came out with a bag full regardless. Book included:

• “It Must Be Beautiful: Great Equations of Modern Science”, exploring the story behind some of the most important equations in physics today.
• “Quantum Field Theory: A Modern Introduction” by Michio Kaku. Yes that Kaku. I didn’t do much with QFT at univeristy because it’s fucking scary, but perhaps this time I can have better luck. If I ever get round to reading it.
• “Cross-Platform Game programming“, dealing with memory and resource management for multiple systems, creating debugging facilities and more. I think this would have come in handy if I’d found it a few years ago. Oh well. Particularly nice feature: it was only €4; nearly a tenth of the regular price.

So yeah, another good batch. Now I just have to find the time to read them all.

Oh, wait. That’s not 9 out of 10; that’s 9 out of 100. Wow. That’s …
that’s just … wow.

So yeah, this thing is going down so hard it could go straight
through the planet. A score of 9%. That should qualify as
“Epic Fail” in anyone’s book Anyone sane, anyway. As for
the theater count, the guys at
Panda’s
Thumb have been tracking the numbers; it started with just over 1000
on April 18^th and is now down to 400. It’ll probably disappear
completely in a week or two.

Away from the silver screen, the producers and Ben Stein have been
doing interviews left and right and apparently making complete asses of
themselves. I’ve seen some videos of Stein that are just two-hands
facepalmingly stupid. One of the things he’s keen on mentioning
is how Darwinism doesn’t explain the origins of life or
gravity or where the universe came from. The theory of evolution
is not and will never be about those things, so why this counts as a
mark against the theory I don’t know. It’s like to arguing that
metallurgy doesn’t explain last week’s weather, therefore it’s bogus.
Simply using this line of reasoning hows that he really doesn’t know
what he’s talking about. That, or he’s deliberately misleading everyone,
which is also a real possibility.

The real moment of inanity, however, comes from an interview at
TBN where he made this immortal statement (emphasis mine):

Love of God and compassion and empathy leads you to a very glorious
place, and science leads you to killing people.

O_O. Lolwut ?!?

Yes, he actually said that, and in all earnest too, apparently. You can see it (and a response to it)
in Thunderfoot’s latest
Why
do people laugh at creationists video. The original interview
can be found
here
as well. This is what as also earned him the dubious virtue of
second place for MSNBC’s

Worst Person in the World.

Right now, I am this close to believing this is actually all part of
a massive hoax. With the ever-growing list of stupidities, I find it harder
and harder to believe they’re serious.

And now for something completely related: the infamous
Beware the
believers video. This *wonderful* clip was released anonymously
in the end of March and has been a favorite in sciency circles since.
There has been a lively debate about its origins. Because it clearly
is caricaturing the atheists depicted in the clip
(“if I was dyslexic, I’d even hate dog too”. Hehehehe),
one group believed the Expelled group were behind it. On the
other hand, it was well done and extremely funny. Since the
creationists have a long track record of shoddy craftsmanship and
witlessness (the Expelled movie itself is a good example of this),
many others felt it could not come from them.

About a month later, the answer came: it was done by Michael Edmondson, as a contract job for
the producers of Expelled. So yes, it did come from their camp
after all. That said, Edmonson isn’t affiliated with them that much.
I’ve read that the producers’ intent was for it to be viral
advertising for the movie. I don’t think that worked out too
well, though, what with it being embraced by the atheist side as
one of the pieces of Internet Win of this year.

Read the thread on pharyngula for extra details. Edmonson himself also
makes an appearance in the comments, so you get it straight from the
horse’s mouth. Simon Owens also has an interview with him at

bloggasm.com, so check that out as well for even more details.

Lastly, to Michael Edmonson and Matt Chandler (who did the lyrics): thank you for the hilarious video. We will watch your career with great interest.

For others attempting this: the only really taxing part is across the train-tracks
with that damn chopper on your tail. My strategy was to carry the gnome to
safe-points first by hiding under the wagons, then going back for the car. In
the second leg, the chopper will at the base once you get close enough; you
can use this to secure safe passage. Also, once inside the garage do
not leave the gnome on the table: the table will disappear when you
get back from the auto-gun, apparently taking the gnome with it. Once you
reach the rocket, close the hatch yourself! This is also part of the
requirement. The rest is mostly getting out of the car because there’s no
gnome-sized seatbelts, although I hear there’s a way to get it stuck in the
rear window somehow.

With that done, I only need the Grub achievement for the whole set. I missed
eight of them. Eight! Out of 333! :(

First up is one that our American friends have probably heard of since he’s
one of the candidates for the presidency. I picked up this little bit on Pharyngula:

“I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Constitution,”
Huckabee told a Michigan audience on Monday. “But I believe it’s a lot easier
to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living
god. And that’s what we need to do — to amend the Constitution so it’s in
God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards so it lines up with
some contemporary view.”

Since the bible is pretty much anti-democracy, anti-freedom and
anti-human-rights, to hear this from someone running for president of a
country that’s supposed to be pro-freedom and all that is somewhat
unnerving.

Pharyngula has many more stories on religious nuttery. Since Dr Myers is a
biologist and a university professor, he’s particularly keen on reporting what
the Intelligent
design movement and other creationist are up to. Since their eventual
goals are the elimination of science, they’re worth keeping track of.

The second item is Blogs4Brownback.
This is a blog supporting another Republican candidate (who has since
dropped out of the race), though I very much doubt there is an official
affiliation. At least for Brownback’s sake I hope not, because there’s
an bottomless pit of insanity here: from geocentrism (NOTE: very, very long) to flat earthism and from fridges work by divine intervention, not thermodynamics to The Statue of Liberty is Eeeevil, it goes on and on and on. Naturally, many
comments have congratulated him on his brilliant parody of the Religious Raving
Nutter, but he keeps insisting that he’s dead serious. And as I have seen others
genuinely believe this kind of stuff, I find it hard to tell. Poe’s Law
is definitely in full effect here.

Lastly, a tale of programming insanity. A few days ago I found this thread on thedailyWTF. In short, here’s a guy who claims he’s made the most
important application EVAR called SpectateSwamp Desktop Search
(SSDS). It’s
a desktop search tool made in VB5 (yeah, I know) that is platform-independent
(yeah, LOL, I know) that searches through a text file (yes, singular) for
references to up to 6 search terms using a an interface that couldn’t be simpler:
a command-line for easy to understand commands like `gf‘, `a‘
and such (yeah, I know). But wait there’s more! You can also search videos
and then play them randomly! After all, that is an essential feature of any search
tool.

That’s more or less the sales pitch. The rest of the forum dwellers would describe
it differently. What the tool actually does is search through a single file
and reports the results. To
make it work for multiple files (plain text only), you’re supposed merge all your
separate files into one first. The rationale behind this is that you can search
through a single file faster than multiple files. The fact that actually working
with a single mega-file is cumbersome to say the least continues to escape
him – as does the fact that many files aren’t in a plain-text format
anyway.

The video thing is also interesting. From what I gather, the tool doesn’t actually
search through the videos themselves; you’re supposed to create a file with
descriptions of what the videos are about (manually!) so that it can search
that (What do you mean, “What about using metadata?”). But
this file is not an index file. Oh no. Because indexing is Eeevil. Particularly
automatic indexing. All those other desktop search apps are stoopid for using
automatic indexing.

The SSDS interface is also much better than that of other search tools: instead
of the complexity of a text box for search terms and a button, you can use
a command-line with cryptic commands. And no, regular expressions are not
supported. He doesn’t even know what the term means.

I know it’s not nice to be so negative over someone’s creation, but he’s been
at this for ten years apparently and every techie he’s come across has said
the same thing: you’re doing it wrong. Nicely at first, and then … not so
nicely. But instead of listening to the advice he’s been given, he ignores them and
calls them part of the conspiracy to keep regular users in the dark.
Sometimes a point-and-laugh approach is the only option.

For maximum effect, the source code is also available. It can be used as a
prime example of why coding standards matter. Here’s a snippet (some
dead code removed for clarity):

This is part of the wordwrap and highlighting logic. Yes, everything works
with GOTOs. Every loop and every Else has been done
with GOTOs. GOTOs with labels representing the line numbers. Likewise,
the variable names seem to be picked alphabetically: aside from
data_aaa, there’s also data_a and
data_aa and perhaps more. I’ve seen assembly that’s
more readable.

You can’t really get the depth of madness from just a snippet. The whole
thing is 10k+ LoC, and it’s a single function!!! There are separate
functions anywhere; it’s just one humongous function managed by GOTOs
and GOSUBs. Even simple loops and Else clauses are done
this way, indicating that even after 10 years, he hasn’t understood the
language. This is also apparent by the loop at line_12055 which come down
to two RTrim() calls.

I will say this in his favor though: I am impressed that the tool actually works
(for suitable definitions of ‘works’). I’d wager that most
programmers would have given up long ago. It must be a very interesting
maintenance job too – imagine the mental hazard pay for it!